The Day I Got Off The Poptart Train (And A Recipe For Homemade Poptarts)

I’ve been riding the Poptart-A-Day Train at a somewhat alarming speed over the past four months. It’s been a tasty adventure, but alas, the time has come to leave these delectable delicacies, perhaps permanently, in their foil wrappers. And so a couple weeks ago, I bid farewell to my friends Strawberry, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and Confetti, friends who have stood patiently by my side, and in my stomach, this summer.

It was a painful goodbye.

Emma understood my pain, though, and together we set about making our own homemade Poptarts. The result was passable, but unfortunately had the taste of health and not the taste of sugar, and we ate them rather morosely. Luckily my mom came to the rescue with a recipe that held absolutely no promise of health.

This recipe comes from Alison Ladman of the Associate Press. Alison appears to be a spectacular person, a statement I base entirely on the fact that she appreciates sugar and also butter. I’ve abridged some of her instructions, but click here to get the non-abridged instructions.

Cinnamon-Brown Sugar Pastry Tarts

Pastry Dough

  • 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/4 cup granulated sugar
  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 2 sticks cold unsalted butter, cubed
  • 2 eggs
  • 3 tablespoons heavy cream
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract

20151025_Homemade Poptarts_02

  1. Combine flour, sugar, salt and butter in one bowl.
  2. Combine cream, vanilla, egg and water in a second bowl.
  3. Add the liquid mixture to the dry and stir to form a dough. Use more flour if necessary.
  4. Pat dough into a rectangle, plastic wrap it, and put it in the fridge for an hour.


  • 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1 tablespoon cinnamon
  • 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • 1 egg
  • 2 tablespoons melted butter

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  1. Mix brown sugar, flour and cinnamon.
  2. Add egg and melted butter. Mix well.
  3. Cover and refrigerate.

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  1. Pre-heat the oven to 400 F. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper.
  2. Roll dough out on a floured surface and cut into equally-sized shapes.
  3. Spoon filling on half of the dough cutouts, carefully leaving a 1/4″ border around the dough edge. Or don’t. Whatever.

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  1. Use the remaining dough cutouts to top each filled pastry. Seal edges with a fork and poke some holes in top for ventilation.
  2. Place in the freezer for 10 minutes.
  3. Remove from the freezer and bake for 18-20 minutes, or golden brown.

Pastry Glaze

  • 3/4 cup powdered sugar
  • 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
  • 2 tablespoons milk
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

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  1. Heat all the glaze ingredients in a small saucepan over medium heat until sugars have dissolved.
  2. Remove pastries from the oven. Cool for 5 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.
  3. Glaze. Eat.

Music courtesy of Emma.

Through My Headphones
*Once I Was A Man -The Daydreamers


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